would i be out of line, if i said................i miss you
I'm not very good with emotions. I never was able to control them i supposed is the real issue. I have friends, although im not sure they know how much i love them and need them. I was taught to not care, to never let anyone too close. This past year, people close to me have lost friends, mothers, siblings, grandparents, i just did what i would have wanted them to do for me,and left them alone.
I am amazed how much facebook has become the new grave stone. Its nice to have this imprint of these people always, i go on sometimes to a friends page, he never would have believed it, these friends and people he's met still 6 months later telling them all the things that made them love him. The anger has settled in now. So this is for him. Because i have two sons, and i want them to know that there are people, there are friends, that will miss you! that will be angry, that no matter what you might think, are imortant, and you are loved.
I didn't write, i didnt say i word, all of your friends posting all these memories, i didnt want to be a random face in the crowd. because i had to be strong for your friend. Because he misses you, he poured out a beer that night, for you. Because he wouldn't talk, or move, because he looked me right in the eye and said "im not doing well" I saw all these posted, and knew mine wouldnt mean as much. But it would have, and im sorry. You remembered me when i came to your house that time. it had been years and you remembered me, you acted like it was yesterday. You were the only one of his friends that even seems slightly excited to meet his pregnant girlfriend that was taking him away from them. You called me your perfect pitched music soul mate when i tuned your piano with my ear. Then i find out you had passed and i had to look him in the eye and tell him, days after he asked if he could go out with you. He died a little that day you know. I got an email later that day from people asking if he was ok... no he wasn't but i did the right thing."he is fine thank you how are you?" I didn;t go to your memorial either, im sorry again, but we talked by the fire that night and i told you i lost someone like that, and you went and did it. I couldnt do it again. I just want you to know, that he is doing better, he misses his friend, i catch him just holding the piece of your shirt sometimes. My sister was there to help him, she lost her boyfriend remember? i just can't ignore it anymore, and want you to know i miss you too! and im mad too! I wish you were here, i wish this never happened, i wish you knew how much this would hurt everyone and just stopped! i wish i posted on your wall, i wish you would write back all your friends, tell them its ok, tell them you are ok..........
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